Where did all the gods go?

 Well, they haven't vanished completely. But they've gotten considerably dimmer. What was bright before is well on its way to invisibility. 

I was shocked.

What do I mean by this Twilight of the Gods? I will explain. My son lives about 35 miles from our house. His house is very close to the Shiva-Vishnu Temple of Goddard, Maryland. We haven't been to the temple since the outbreak of the Covid epidemic, over two years ago. My son invited us over to celebrate Fathers Day. The temple sells South Indian food, and we decided to pick up several orders of rice-based dishes. One of the guests invited to our celebration is of Indian origen, my wife, Nirmala, is of Indian origen as well, and both my son and I love Indian food.

Was there a religious element to our visit? We go to the temple rarely, often to pick up food or listen to one of the temple's periodic concerts of South Indian classical music, (carnatic music) of which we are both true devotees.) The first thing we do upon arrival, however, is visit the sanctuary on the second floor. This is an immense room in which many shrines are located, each of which contains a statue of a Hindu deity. They are all there, Subramaniyan with his vel. or sword, which destroys ignorance; the reclining Vishnu, Sri Venkateshwara, Krishna, Ganesh, etc etc.

I am a failure as an atheist, but it comes close. I believe the gods do not dwell 'out there' but inside the mind. I'm at home with any religion's symbols, and am at home with atheists as well.

We have visited the sanctuary many times over the years, but this time the view was markedly different. I remember how everything appeared during our many visits; the gods stood proudly and distinctly in their altars and were clearly visible. Now it was as if the lights had been turned off. I could still see devotees circumnavigating the altar of Ganesh, but their features had become indistinct and dusky, When I looked at some of the statues, I saw big black blobs where faces should be.

The difference between this dim visit and the previous bright ones really struck me hard. My loss of vision has been gradual--and relentless. Over the past few years, I have become just about blind in the right eye, with continuing loss of vision in the left.

The condition I have is called age-related macular degeneration. The macula is the area of the retina responsible for central vision. It is a common condition, affecting about 11 million persons. There are two types, early, or dry AMD or wet, or late AMD. I, unfortunately, have wet AMD, the worst kind,  in both eyes. I receive periodic injections of medicine in each eye, but the disease has progressed nevertheless.

I am an avid reader and reading is becoming difficult. I read in bright light with an illuminated magnifying glass. My brain does its best to make sense of the words, often by guessing. For instance, rarer words, such as 'redolent' I may misread as 'resonant', When a word doesn't make sense in context, I stare and stare at it, often to no avail.

The loss of vision has been gradual and relentless. The disappearing gods brought my increasing vision loss somberly to 'light.'

A devout Hindu acquaintance of mine, as he lay dying, told his family that it was 'time for him to go inward.' Well, I'm already an inward person--my sensitivity to music attests to that. I still need ongoing contact with the outer world, for which vision is almost essential. I'm not going to go blind without a fight!

There's still a lot that can be done. Time to switch, for instance, to large print books and audio books. Acceptance of what I cannot change is also a great help. I have no complaints.

The gods, by the way, haven't really gone away. My third eye sees them more clearly than ever. I expressed this in a recent poem entitled, the blind poet, which first appeared in The Loch Raven Review:

the blind poet

is satisfied
one out of three
how can vision
lack in sight while
the third eyes sees

Before I lose vision--and the rest of my faculties--I intend to see many things and befriend many people.

 Are you growing old as well? Do you also have difficulties? Friends, I hear you.