6.08.2018

What Did That Self-Help Guru Say?

"Simply subtract your age from 65,
and that's how many good years you have left."
That makes mine fewer than minus three!

Once vim is reduced to a negative toddler,
is it O.K. to sit and forget half your French?
It is not. Instead, before I'm minus four,

I shall sing and descant upon love
an a language I as yet don't understand.
Perhaps I'll send him a postcard from Kandahar,

perhaps I'll send him an elephant tusk
made out of marzipan
by a lovely, crazy German living in Irkutsk;

he apparently thinks old age is the time
to stare like a cow while a fly
navigates a bulbous nose. Should I rage?

No, rages are unseemly after minus three;
having outgrown my terrible minus twos,
I'm ready for a raucous minus youth,

and if I find a tarantula in La Descubierta,
I promise I won't send him a fanged memento mori
in a silver candy box, crawling on blue cheese.

                                     
                                               Thomas Dorsett


This poem first appeared in The Broadkill Review, May-June 2018

Notes

An actual self-help guru devised the formula mentioned in the poem, although I forget his name.  Although the protagonist of the poem is a bit younger than I am, we both strongly believe that 65 is not the end of life!

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