4.03.2015

When Pounds Talk, Pences Listen

The late, multi-talented Harris Wittels coined a very culturally apt verb: to humble-brag.  An example: "My wealth has isolated me from ordinary Americans.  Your poverty, however, has kept you close to the people.  I envy you, I really do!" Inspired by him, I have coined a verb of my own: to treacle-stomp.  Treacle-stomping occurs when someone, especially a politician, speaks platitudes while his feet, as it were, continues to stomp on opponents.

The Republican Governor of Indiana, Mike Pence, treacle-stomps at least as well as Savion Glover tap dances.

Recently, Governor Pence passed a so-called freedom of religion bill into law.  Although written in lawyer-savvy neutral terms, the intent is clear, namely, to let fundamentalists get away with discrimination against gays and lesbians.  (If you claim that opponents of this law merely have a "perception problem" and that the law doesn't permit discrimination of any kind, you are either woefully ignorant or a treacle-stomper yourself.)

To the governor's apparent surprise, the law resulted in a vociferous backlash.  Big businesses such as Apple and Walmart protested.  Some states canceled state-funded travel to Indiana.  Plans of major boycotts began popping up everywhere, like mushrooms after rain.  What was he to do, listen to his conscience--that is, to his base? The voices of Walmart and Apple were apparently louder.  

When decency talks, politicians sometimes listen; when money talks, however, they always listen--and almost always obey.

Threatened with the prospect of economic damage for which he would be blamed--and refusing, of course, to admit that he had been wrong--Governor Pence decided to hold a press conference to help clear things up. The purpose of his speech was to tamp down protests without distancing himself from his ultra-conservative base.  In other words, he treacle-stomped.

I couldn't stop laughing while listening to his speech.  Hoosiers are the friendliest people on Earth.  The governor has always hated all forms of discrimination.  The law does not allow businesses to deny services to anyone.  Religious freedom is the most important freedom of all.  Anyone who believes that the law permits discrimination of any kind has a perception problem.  The governor will advocate for legislation that clarifies this misperception.

When Pounds talk, Pences listen.

The law is supposedly an extension of the Religious Freedom Restoration Act, (RFRA), passed by President Clinton in 1993. The law was designed to prevent Native Americans from being fired (or not hired) when they fail a drug test due to the use of peyote, a mind-altering drug which is consumed during well-established Native-American religious rituals. That makes sense.  If a Native American owner of a casino, however,  refuses to let a gay person gamble at his establishment, that wouldn't make sense at all.  If you replace "Native American" with "Christian";  if you replace "casino" with "pizzeria" or what have you; if you let the "gay person" remain in the sentence and make a few other minor changes, you are left with the following dependent clause: "If a Christian owner of a pizzeria refuses to let a gay person be served at his establishment,..."  The intent of the legislation which  Governor Pence signed into law completes the sentence with: "the Christian's sincerely held religious beliefs must be taken into account while adjudicating a discrimination suit filed by a gay or a lesbian."  The bill, despite its treacle-stomping platitudes, threatens to make  bigotry legal. Do you think President Clinton would ever have signed that into law?  Just as with a possum, when laws get eviscerated, things get bloody--in the latter case, the British sense of that word applies as well.

If you didn't understand the intent of the law, that is, to allow fundamentalist Christian business owners to get away with  certain forms of discrimination, you wouldn't get the joke.  (One can't refuse services on the basis of race--there is a federal law against that, thank God.  Indiana, however,  has no state law which protects gays and lesbians.)

Governor Pence is a gifted speaker which made his treacle-stomping all the more shameful and all the more hilarious.

The comedy continues.  During an interview, the governor claimed that the intent of the law is not to discriminate against gays but to help assure that Obamacare can never force an owner of a business whose "sincerely held religious beliefs" forbid the provision of  contraception to women covered under an employee health plan.  Regarding gays, he treacle-stomped; regarding women, he simply stomped.  (If he thought that denying contraception to women would significantly threaten his chances of re-election, he would have treacle-stomped there as well.)

He's not pro-sense, he's simply pro-Pence.

The governor's speech was, indeed, a stellar example of treacle-stomping. There are, unfortunately, many others.  If, however, you regret having missed the governor's performance, don't worry; I'm absolutely convinced that the show isn't over. (The show certainly isn't over in Congress, which is to treacle-stomping as Nashville is to country music.)  Governor Pence, like almost all politicians, will undoubtedly learn new t.s.-moves as circumstances demand, in order to remain in power. 

It's all very funny, but, alas! the joke is on us.  

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